I always knew life was a role-playing game, but lately I'm realizing it's not a linear one.
Heh, gaming metaphors are fun. And true. I've been hibernating for the last couple weeks after my exams ended. I 'm home from Trondheim and just relaxing. Sleeping a lot, playing Kingdom Hearts, cooking for my sister and my mother - they like my food! I am continually amazed - and even drawing a little.
My exam results were, well, somewhat disappointing. One great and others not so good. At least I covered a lot of the alphabet :P
I've been moping about that, too. Academic stuff has always been what I could succeed at, and when I feel I did a good job and still, no more than this, it tends to get me to accuse myself and all sorts of stupid things. But academics are not the most important part of life, no matter what my teacher aunt may think.
I'm beginning to realize just howmuch art is a part of my life and personality. I miss it. I really did love my three years of mixed art and theoretics, and I'm wondering, is not that what I should be doing with my life, rather than sitting in a dusty university with history books?
Of course, the history stuff was always just something for this year. Psychology this fall. That is my goal for now, and if it suits me, if it is what I want to do, if I find the curriculum interesting and the classes exciting, then what can stop me? Only a lack of confidence and lack of applying myself, and I won't let that happen.
But if it's not for me, then it's not for me. And then I will have to look elsewhere.
I guess I always did think life was a linear thing. You grew up, figured out what to do, did it, kept on doing it. But you do actually change your mind. You gain new interests, lose old ones. A lot of people are always saying how they knew from when they were little what they were gonna be and stuff, but I distrust that. When we are small we have every sort of dream. If any of these come true, then it seems in retrospect it was clear all along, but it is a modified truth.
Ah. I love some things about university. I hate others. I hate how people in different faculties and fields of interests are so elitical and think that if you aren't studying the same as them then you're basically useless. And I hate also how sensitive I am to stuff like that and end up adopting the same attitude.
Thoughts, thoughts, thoughts...
I always assumed art and artsy stuff was not something to build a carrier out of. And I always assumed everyone else thought the same.
...actually, it should not matter what other people think. I need to do what I want to do. What I'm good at. That might be psychology, it may be photography, it may be art. I'm still nineteen, for goodness' sake! I don't have to figure out the rest of my life this instant.
Mind, when I was sixteen I always thought I'd have everything figured out when I was nineteen. I'd have a boyfriend, I would have started on my education, my Photoshop skills would be to die for. Also, I would have a killer hairdo and would know how to walk in heels. I would even be exercising.
All that is a work-in-progress, you know? I do have Photoshop skills. I did start on some education. No boyfriend, but I do appear to be learning something about how to communicate with boys, at least. The heels...well, no, my feet are not made for them. But flat shoes are now fashionable, so that one I'm striking out. I even...almost exercise. I have been taking walks the last couple of days, that should count for something. And I just got bangs.
So, progress after all. I'm gonna try learning some other things, more important ones. Like how not to stress my brains out. And how to do a figure-8 bun.
Again with the open endings. Life is what happens when the curtain falls. I guess this is why mangas, unlike western comics, have open endings - it's what makes them so good. You can sense how their lives begin when the manga ends and nothing more is described with pen and and ink. Between the lines.
At the end of the journal post. Off to live it!